goodbye

hahahahahahaha hello, this is so random ^^



hi!
hi!
hi!

can't believe, only 1 other person know the link to this blog -.- lolololol

hi blog! I'm just here to say goodbye. I won't delete you, yet. but i'll not write here much too.

goodbye!

thank you for being part of my melodramatic past :D

hi. i'm blogging under that background noise again.

why do I even care about several things that aren't even as important? now, some people act like little things caused them to be so suffocated. Do they even have to bear with all these, even?

Why can't they see that a little boy needs more of a guidance, loving and care?
Don't they know that it's thanks to them that all these are happening?

God, please tell me what to do.

Don't you think that it's a little too much, that they need a little more sense put into their head?

Why, I'm not the only one suffering here.

Where's justice?

Where's my part?

Why am I so meek, God, gives me strength to do something about this.

We're the oppressed, when they are the one who clings on us.

Why can't my parents do something about it too?

God, gives me the courage, gives me the strength to face this too.

Thinking back, you're really an admirable person to me.
The way you display yourself on the social media, how you wrote down your thoughts and the quotes you have all over your facebook page.
But frankly speaking, it does seems like it's all something you're just trying to display to the social media.

because when you speak, you don't speak what you wrote. when you write, you don't write what you spoke.

you don't act what you say, and you don't say what you act.

What's with the internal conflict inside of you?

worse still, was I the one who caused all that to occur? but since you're the one who admitted that it's all part of who you're actually. but truthfully, do you even know who you're actually?



stop it, rieka.

being over-critical of yourself turns you into this over-judgemental person.

She must've talked bad to you about me again.
She must've judged me to you again, like what happened last December.

Just that this time, I don't know if you'll defend me anymore.

dislike how, thanks to all these 9mths, i became a person who dislike loneliness.
what have I turned into?
it's time for me to change into a new person, who embrace being alone.
what on earth have you done to me?

i love you.

don't know if anyone is gonna read this.
don't know if anyone in the world is ever gonna know about this..
i miss you, so much.
i miss you more than i've ever had.
i miss calling you 'sayang'
i miss hearing your voice
i miss seeing you, but i see you everywhere

my bed, when i woke up this morning, i remembered the time when you stayed over, or just when you last came into my room and lay on my bed. realizing it was the same bedsheet from the last time you came into my sanctuary.

and i lied on the floor just to change the atmosphere, but got reminded that even on that very same floor, memories of you have been etched so deeply there...

it freaking hurts. sitting by the table that i once sat with you right now.
using a laptop that has been touched by you.
walking that same path i used to walked hand in hand with you.
and i really want all of that.
i really want it all, right now.


walking past food places I once went with you..
sitting down on the bench, where we used to sit almost every single day..
standing at the mrt station where I used to stand with you.

can i have them all back? am I being selfish?

why do I have to trap myself in this maze?


can you ask me out again?

can you tell me you love me again?

can you tell me again that im the one, like how you used to say?

can we sit down on that bench near your hostel?


if you'd not chosen that school, maybe things would not have turned out this way, am i right?

if i'd made it on time on friday, and went to the embassy with you, would things probably not be like this?


if i love you, then i should let it go right?

but how  could i let go of the person i love so much..

how can i love someone without expressing it to them..?



._.

a dream is a wish your heart makes..yup.. i agree..

arti waktu.
detik demi detik,
menit demi menit,
entah seberapa lama
menunggunya berlalu

dia mengangkat wajahnya,
melihat wajahmu disana.
apa yang telah berubah?
se-tipis apa pun itu,
perubahan nya berkali-kali lipat

2 orang duduk di kursi itu
2 waktu yang berbeda
2 perasaan berkecamuk
dia melihat kebingungan
ter-pantul dari bola mata mu.

jalanan yang buntu itu
terasa sempit sekali.
sepertinya,
jalan ini telah dibuat untuk dijalani seorang saja
haruskah dia meloncat ke jurang disampingnya?

what am I.

Daddy, what am I supposed to do.
I miss him and I feel like talking to him.
But I don't want to tell him that I want to talk to him...
He's gonna think that I'm annoying like he has always been recently.
I'm gonna make myself look like one pathetic girl.
I understand that he is busy, but not even a minute for me today, even after 11 now? T-T

Daddy, take me away now.
Take me with You right now.


Lover of my soul,
Healer of my scars.

steady my heart

Teach me to wait upon Your promises. 

I know I can trust You.

Even if all is falling apart.

Lover of my soul

Healer of my scars.

i miss u.

hey, why are you so important to me..

attempts to email him this photo failed many times.

I hope by posting this photo here, he will open this blog and take a look at it.

this is the photo that I've been saying I haven't showed him,

one which I wanted to surprisingly send him via email, but seems like hotmail wouldn't let me do that.

so there you go...

pictures.

these, plus the things that happened recently, made me confuse.

which one should I trust, words or actions.

Somebody once mentioned, the one who cared more is the one who will get hurt, so he doesnt want to be the one who get hurt.

Congratulations, you're successfully not the one who cared more, apparently. You've achieved your goal at the beginning of the relationship.

I hope no one reads this except myself, seriously. I dont want anyone to know how I'm feeling. I don't want anyone to get affected. But I have no other platform to write this down. I really feel helpless.

I wonder, is it my fault? Am I in the wrong?

All the things I said lead to quarrel unless I quickly divert it. Am I the only one who feel that way?

Some people say I think too much. Is there even such thing as thinking too much? People just express their feelings and emotions, am I right?

Last time, when I don't open up, you're mad at me for being tertutup.

Now when I learn how to express my emotion, all I get is rebuttals and words like ' kamu mikir kebanyakan '

Maybe I should go back to my old self.

Just not let anybody know about me. no, just keep quiet about everything and painfully smile about it. (:

hey girl, everything is fine...everything is gonna be fine as long as you keep it to yourself..^^

how painful it is when someone tells you that

no, i dont need to hear your voice anymore.

i'm used to not hearing your voice anymore.

when every minute here, you're longing to hear the voice of the one you miss.

virtual communication? why dont you just date someone from the many social networking platforms you have.

yeah, i need a stopper in my tearduct right now.

replay.

there are mainly 2 things that brought me back to the past.

1.talking to you on whats app at night without any error in the network

2.reading your private blog posts about me where you really sounds like you do care about me.

these things, they made me feel like i'm that happy girl again. gave me totally different emotions from those shits i've been feeling ( and you've been failing to notice ) recently.

for once, i thought i'm back to how it was in the past. in my beautiful memory.

but haha, how foolish of me!

he will not treat you the same way like he did probably 5weeks ago.

you see, he cant meet you everyday, you dont expect him to really listen to all your woes or respond to your joke anymore.

worst of all, you dont expect him to be able to pamper you with words you wanna hear anymore. he doesnt see it from your view, and trying to express your feelings sometimes look so whinny and recently he looks like he's turning into one of those boys who does not give much damn to their gf.

i'm the girl, what can i do? just stop demanding, hoping, expecting too much.

but for the sake of my desire, i'm gonna have faith!

mirror, mirror on the wall

who's the fairest of them all?









Desire.

how cruel art thou.
how menacing, how pricking.

Desire.

sleep, holding your hands.
you, by my side.

Desire.

staying, not easy.
leaving, tougher.

Desire.

you are the one, one.
one for me, one for you.

Desire.













want to sleep by your side tonight, cuddle and just feel your breath on my nose.
and feel heat radiating from your skin, on mine. and watch tranquility surrounds itself on your face. and the scent of your breathe that pricks my nose. how painful, how sweet.

secrets.

secretly, I wish you're here.


yeah, it's a secret. ^^


&I just want to let you know.