Tuhan....


aku bener2 butuh bantuan mu kali ini. berikan saya kekuatan yg cukup, agar tidak takut.

kenapa harus begini..?

kenapa bisa tiba2 menjadi takut seperti ini??


pusing, takut, sakit.

aku ga tau harus bagaimana.

tolonglah Tuhan, lindungi aku dari perasaan2 yg tidak baik ini.

hushhh. jauhkan semuanya dariku ya Tuhan.

aku mohon..

Remember when you told me you'll never let me go?


Please don't (:







i love you.

lucid.

Dear God,


All I want to do during the first few minutes of christmas is just to spend a short moment talking to him, sweetly.


Help me overcome this weakness of mine O Lord.

Too much emotion, too much pain.


Tell me why we're still holding on..




---------------------------------------------



Last night I had a dream.


I dreamt of you asking me to a dance
I was wearing a little black dress
and a superduper high and painful heels
I had difficulty dancing, it was pain
But we dance anyway.











My love,
it's painful.
But we carry on anyway.

maybe that day i should've just went on and be friends with you.

how do you want to have a girlfriend when you don't even bother taking that little responsibility about her , giving that little attention to her.

it's not all rainbows,sunshines and diamond.

do you even want it anymore?

but i miss you, i really do.

like you care, although i really wish you do.

maybe

How do you utter something your mind can't even comprehend?

















No, please stop reading into my life.











I don't think you're making the effort anymore,











whilst it was so effortless in the past.











Maybe distance does change things.

ummm....

it's always, like that.

you open up about something, and you expect him to understand you or at least comfort you about it.

and when you don't get what you're expecting, you just go back into that mode. the i'd-rather-keep-quiet-about-it mode.

haha.

I guess, that's why I've been keeping quiet about it.

Not only because I don't want to make him worry,
but rather, he'll probably not say things that will give me the assurance I need, like always.

my desire

secretly, I have a desire.

however, the desire is a secret desire that must remain unknown.

desire, oh desire

will I ever have a change to reveal it one day?

unknowingly unhappy

Dear shin,

It's been long since I last told you stories. Do you remember when was the last time? You used to be my very berry best friend, and I used to talk to you almost everyday. But you see, life is always changing and age is catching up with me. Time travels much faster than I can cope and I realize that I could only spend so 'much' time with you. Slowly but surely, we grew apart and it's been really so long, my friend, since I last confide in you :/

So Shin, so many things have happened to me right now, so many things changed. Who was the last interesting person I talked to you about ? I don't even remember, but I bet you do, whoever it is. Probably the problem I had with JM last year? Or what happened with Jon and Lance last year? That was so ridiculous but hilarious at the same time. Shin, so soo sooo many things happened in between then and now. And you see, I've changed so much Shin ): I bet you could probably hate some of the versions of me in between, I can be so bitchy and so stupid and so naive.

But anyway Shin, wanna know a little secret about me? ;) I have a handsome cute little boyfriend right there, his name is Kevin (L) (L) (L)
geeeez, I just realized that he's so gonna read this and frankly speaking, I don't want him to see these corny stuffs I'm jotting down here about him -.-"
So maybe I'll stick to talking to you via the black and white method? Is that okay, shin? :)
I'll tell you my dirty little secret, hahhahaaha ^^

Hmmm..but frankly speaking, I've not been that happy since he went back.
&really, I kinda hate myself.
You know how you dislike it when people do something, but you do it too, don't you just feel so hypocritical?



hi shin, I suddenly lose my desire to continue my post.
stupid shit.
I've no idea what to do right now, so lost, so lost.

first

& really, I wonder if I ever go wrong somewhere.

I wonder if what I'm doing is right anymore.

This feeling sucks.


Can I please not listen to anyone's opinion?

Can I meet Kevin? I miss him so much. But is it even right for me to have so much emotion for somebody? I've learnt from last year how to let go, it's important to learn to let go, and nothing in this world is perpetual.

But after meeting Kevin, everything seriously change. He brings back that superdupersensitiveandemotional girl back to life. He taught me about expressing emotions. He filled me with a truckload of emotions I never knew I'd have. And now that I've realized this...frankly speaking...I'm lost.

Tuhan, tolong aku donk, tolong tunjukan jalan yg terbaik untukku.

Tuhan, this time round, I'm really talking to you, from my heart. Please daddy god.... I need serious help...