Thinking back, you're really an admirable person to me.
The way you display yourself on the social media, how you wrote down your thoughts and the quotes you have all over your facebook page.
But frankly speaking, it does seems like it's all something you're just trying to display to the social media.

because when you speak, you don't speak what you wrote. when you write, you don't write what you spoke.

you don't act what you say, and you don't say what you act.

What's with the internal conflict inside of you?

worse still, was I the one who caused all that to occur? but since you're the one who admitted that it's all part of who you're actually. but truthfully, do you even know who you're actually?



stop it, rieka.

being over-critical of yourself turns you into this over-judgemental person.

She must've talked bad to you about me again.
She must've judged me to you again, like what happened last December.

Just that this time, I don't know if you'll defend me anymore.

dislike how, thanks to all these 9mths, i became a person who dislike loneliness.
what have I turned into?
it's time for me to change into a new person, who embrace being alone.
what on earth have you done to me?

i love you.

don't know if anyone is gonna read this.
don't know if anyone in the world is ever gonna know about this..
i miss you, so much.
i miss you more than i've ever had.
i miss calling you 'sayang'
i miss hearing your voice
i miss seeing you, but i see you everywhere

my bed, when i woke up this morning, i remembered the time when you stayed over, or just when you last came into my room and lay on my bed. realizing it was the same bedsheet from the last time you came into my sanctuary.

and i lied on the floor just to change the atmosphere, but got reminded that even on that very same floor, memories of you have been etched so deeply there...

it freaking hurts. sitting by the table that i once sat with you right now.
using a laptop that has been touched by you.
walking that same path i used to walked hand in hand with you.
and i really want all of that.
i really want it all, right now.


walking past food places I once went with you..
sitting down on the bench, where we used to sit almost every single day..
standing at the mrt station where I used to stand with you.

can i have them all back? am I being selfish?

why do I have to trap myself in this maze?


can you ask me out again?

can you tell me you love me again?

can you tell me again that im the one, like how you used to say?

can we sit down on that bench near your hostel?


if you'd not chosen that school, maybe things would not have turned out this way, am i right?

if i'd made it on time on friday, and went to the embassy with you, would things probably not be like this?


if i love you, then i should let it go right?

but how  could i let go of the person i love so much..

how can i love someone without expressing it to them..?



._.

a dream is a wish your heart makes..yup.. i agree..

arti waktu.
detik demi detik,
menit demi menit,
entah seberapa lama
menunggunya berlalu

dia mengangkat wajahnya,
melihat wajahmu disana.
apa yang telah berubah?
se-tipis apa pun itu,
perubahan nya berkali-kali lipat

2 orang duduk di kursi itu
2 waktu yang berbeda
2 perasaan berkecamuk
dia melihat kebingungan
ter-pantul dari bola mata mu.

jalanan yang buntu itu
terasa sempit sekali.
sepertinya,
jalan ini telah dibuat untuk dijalani seorang saja
haruskah dia meloncat ke jurang disampingnya?

what am I.

Daddy, what am I supposed to do.
I miss him and I feel like talking to him.
But I don't want to tell him that I want to talk to him...
He's gonna think that I'm annoying like he has always been recently.
I'm gonna make myself look like one pathetic girl.
I understand that he is busy, but not even a minute for me today, even after 11 now? T-T

Daddy, take me away now.
Take me with You right now.


Lover of my soul,
Healer of my scars.

steady my heart

Teach me to wait upon Your promises. 

I know I can trust You.

Even if all is falling apart.

Lover of my soul

Healer of my scars.